My Master Cleanse Diary

[DeathEatsaCracker]

Saturday 6/24

I will be starting the Master Cleanse on Monday.

Here are the details: http://therawfoodsite.com/mastercleanse.htm

So today I went to the health food store and purchased the supplies. Totalled just under $40. However, because I didn't like the thought of having to squeeze the fresh lemons myself, I bought some organic lemon juice, which I have since learned was a mistake because the enzymes in fresh squeezed are part of the process. I'll go ahead and buy some lemons and limes on Sunday night. If I'm going to do this, I'm doing it right.

My girlfried is joining me, but she's not too enthusiastic about it, so I expect her to drop out in less than two days.

My starting weight is 230 lbs. Assuming I don't put on any more weight tomorrow, because I plan on eating like a fucking animal.

I will be posting here as often as I can giving updates. If anyone has any questions along the way, feel free to ask.

 

[DeathEatsaCracker]

Sunday 6/25

Well, as much as I've eaten the last two days, I'm pretty certain that I'm over 230, but I'll leave that as my starting weight. I really gave myself a good send off from normal eating.

I'm drinking my Senna tea right now. It must be pretty powerful stuff, because it warns not to drink more than 2 cups a day and not to give it to children.

I picked up the lemons so I can have the fresh squeezed stuff. It's going to be a tremendous pain in the ass mixing this crap up all the damn time, but if it's what I gotta do....

My initial goal is to survive the 10 days I'm supposed to do this cleanse. If it's successful and I don't fail miserably, my long term goal is to do a cleanse every 2-3 months.

There will probably be a lot of poo talk in this thread, but I'll preface it with a warning so no one is caught off guard with the gory details.

 

[gmanea]

Sunday 6/25
I'm pretty certain that I'm over 230, but I'll leave that as my starting weight.

get some scales and do it properly

 

[ICAUITUA]

Sunday 6/25
...I'm drinking my Senna tea right now. It must be pretty powerful stuff, because it warns not to drink more than 2 cups a day and not to give it to children...

Senna is natural and works as good if not better than exlax, sennakot tabs are like 5 mm big and i would advise anyone against taking more than 2 of them... That will give u a master cleanse...

 

[Presto]

Will you incorporate any exercise program to go along with this system? I am interested in how your energy level holds up without food.

 

[DeathEatsaCracker]

I am going to try to maintain my normal workout schedule of alternating days of lifting weights and cardio.

 

[DeathEatsaCracker]

Monday 6/26

AM

I'm off to work. I chugged the liter of water with 2 Tsp of sea salt, and about 30 minutes later had my first glass of the lemonade mixture. It's not terrible, but not something I'll be making for myself outside of the cleanse. I used a little over 1/8 tsp of cayenne because they said you can use more if you want and I have a pretty high tolerance for hot food. Right now with all the water that I've drank, I am absolutely stuffed.


Minor Poo Talk Warning:

No bathroom "action" yet, but I can definitely feel that the potential is there.

 

[DeathEatsaCracker]

get some scales and do it properly

I was 227 in the middle of last week. After I decided to do this, I flew off the handle food-wise. Since I've started, I'm going to be carrying around a lot of water weight, so there isn't any way to get an accurate measurement. 230 is extremely close if not right on as I've developed a pretty keen sense of where I am in terms of weight and how quickly I can put it on and take it off.

 

[LEYKIS101]

Monday 6/26

No bathroom "action" yet, but I can definitely feel that the potential is there.

:missingte

 

[docmercer]

DEAT,

Thanks for posting your progress. I just finished a medical ordeal which had me taking upwards of 32-40 pills a day (antibiotics amongst other things). Been shopping around for cleansing programs and will follow your progress on this one.

Good luck.

 

[Vancouverfan]

Death Eats A Cracker,,,, goodluck to you on your cleanse man... I did the Isagenix Body Cleanse 2 months ago and chronicled it as well here on this Health forum.. should be down below or on the next page somewhere.. I ended up losing 15 pounds and 3 or 4% of my body fat doing that cleanse.. Was the best I felt in a long time when it was finished.. I had a hard time keeping up my gym workouts while on the cleanse as energy levels dropped because of the limited amount of food I could eat (some days not at all) I mainly just did cardio and took about 10 days off the weight training.. Those food cravings get to be pretty bad at times.. especially when you see pizza and those damn Jon Lovitz Subway commericials at night.. but I survived.. probably gonna do it once a year... Goodluck to ya..

 

[billsfan]

Monday 6/26

AM

I'm off to work. I chugged the liter of water with 2 Tsp of sea salt, and about 30 minutes later had my first glass of the lemonade mixture. It's not terrible, but not something I'll be making for myself outside of the cleanse. I used a little over 1/8 tsp of cayenne because they said you can use more if you want and I have a pretty high tolerance for hot food. Right now with all the water that I've drank, I am absolutely stuffed.


Minor Poo Talk Warning:

No bathroom "action" yet, but I can definitely feel that the potential is there.

I have done the "sea salt" cleanse numerous times. I actually recommend this to people who want a quick cleansing.....you will be amazed as to what happens, as I will not reveal the details....very simple..all you do is add 2 teaspoons of sea salt uniodized to a quart of lukewarm water.....drink it as fast as you can....and dont leave the house!!! You will be amazed as to what occurs!! Death, do you know what I am talking about?

 

[DeathEatsaCracker]

Monday 6/26 Evening

Thanks to all for the words of encouragement.

Minor Poo Talk Warning:

Soon after I made my last post this morning, I left for work. Three miles into my 12 mile drive, I had to turn around and head home because the "potential" for bathroom action turned into "reality". So now I know...90 minutes after the salt water flush reality comes calling. Also had another visit after I drank a lemonade mixture at work. So far today, only two movements.

End Minor Poo Talk.


We have a pretty well equipped gym at work with properly calibrated scales. I decided to go ahead and weigh myself first thing. I took off my boots and emptied all my pockets. I was suprised to see that I weighed 237. The combination of massive quantities of food that had yet to find it's way out and the 42 total ounces of liquid had made me much heavier than I thought.

Since that is what the scale said, that will be my official starting weight. However, I will be very surprised if I'm not under 230 within 3 days.

So far, I've had 7 lemonade mixtures, and I'll probably have one more before bedtime. I've drank a lot of water. I am hungry, but I'm not starving. It's suprisingly manageable considering I'm coming up on 24 hours without solid food. The way it's going, I feel much better about my chances of making it ten days now that Day 1 is almost in the books.

I know one thing...I have never looked forward to having a cup of hot tea more than I am right now. It's going to be like chocolate cake compared to what I've been drinking.

The lemonade mixture itself isn't too bad. In fact, without the cayenne it would probably be delicious. I can eat hot food with ease, but that cayenne is kicking my ass. It's more the taste than the heat, because 1/8 tsp. of the pepper mixed in with 10 oz. of liquid completely dominates the flavor.

I was only able to finish half of my work out today, but it was only because I forgot about a meeting and had to cut it short. I was feeling pretty good while lifting and would have had no problem at all finishing. Tomorrow I do cardio.

 

[billsfan]

I have done the "sea salt" cleanse numerous times. I actually recommend this to people who want a quick cleansing.....you will be amazed as to what happens, as I will not reveal the details....very simple..all you do is add 2 teaspoons of sea salt uniodized to a quart of lukewarm water.....drink it as fast as you can....and dont leave the house!!! You will be amazed as to what occurs!! Death, do you know what I am talking about?

Death Eats a Cracker
Behold, His Noodly Appendage!!




Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Tulsa, OK
Posts: 2,867

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monday 6/26 Evening

Thanks to all for the words of encouragement.

Minor Poo Talk Warning:

Soon after I made my last post this morning, I left for work. Three miles into my 12 mile drive, I had to turn around and head home because the "potential" for bathroom action turned into "reality". So now I know...90 minutes after the salt water flush reality comes calling. Also had another visit after I drank a lemonade mixture at work. So far today, only two movements.

I guess you got the effects of the sea salt lol.....and its really not a joking matter.

 

[DeathEatsaCracker]

I have done the "sea salt" cleanse numerous times. I actually recommend this to people who want a quick cleansing.....you will be amazed as to what happens, as I will not reveal the details....very simple..all you do is add 2 teaspoons of sea salt uniodized to a quart of lukewarm water.....drink it as fast as you can....and dont leave the house!!! You will be amazed as to what occurs!! Death, do you know what I am talking about?

Yes, that exact procedure is part of the master cleanse. I would imagine it's pretty potent by itself, but when combined with the Senna Tea, the potential to relive the bathroom scene from Dumb and Dumber is there.

 

[DeathEatsaCracker]

Tuesady 6/27 AM

Who needs an alarm clock?

Major Poo Talk Warning:

I was awakened this morning by the need to visit the bathroom. "Visit" might not be an appropriate term, because if someone came to visit me and did to my house what I did to my bathroom this morning, I would be very upset. This was quite an "explosive" event. This is good. Get the hell out of me, crap.

As I'm typing, I fee another visit may be imminent and I haven't even had the salt water yet.

End Major Poo Talk.

I had a bit of a headache come on last night and it has continued to this morning. From my reading, it's exactly as I expected since it's a side effect of my body detoxifying itself. Over the next few days, other unpleasant effects will occur, such as a white coating on the tongue, ass breath, toxins being discharged through the skin and a host of other unappealing events. But, it's for the greater good. If the bad stuff doesn't come out, it stays in my body fucking with my system. Whatever is in me that is bad, I would much rather have it floating in my toilet that circulating through my body.

I am not hungry at all this morning...yet. Because of the unpredictability of the bathroom visits I've developed a change in my routine. I plan to chug the salt water on my way to work and drink the lemonade mixture in the parking lot before I go in. That way, I know I won't have to turn around on my drive in.

As of right now, I feel pretty good even with a slight headache. I feel much lighter. If I remember, I'll stop to weigh myself again. I'm guessing I'll be back to being pretty close to the 230 mark.

 

[LEYKIS101]

Death,

Enjoy reading your diet diary, keep up the good work.

So did you drink(alcohol) or smoke prior to the detox? If so, just curious if you're having any cravings for a drink or smoke?

Good idea taking your water mixtures to work with you, sounds like an easy way to avoid cheekage leakage.

 

[DeathEatsaCracker]

Death,

Enjoy reading your diet diary, keep up the good work.

So did you drink(alcohol) or smoke prior to the detox? If so, just curious if you're having any cravings for a drink or smoke?

Good idea taking your water mixtures to work with you, sounds like an easy way to avoid cheekage leakage.

I don't smoke, and I drink very, very rarely. No dope either.

I just shoot up Heroin 7 times a day.

Ok, I made that last part up.

 

[DeathEatsaCracker]

Tuesday 6/27 PM

Today....not a good day.

As I said earlier, I decided to drink my mixtures right before work this morning. Well, on the way the salt water drink became unbearable. I was trying to chug a bunch of it at a stop light and ended up opening my door and puking a good portion of it back up. In heavy traffic, no less. As I drove, I kept peering over that the half a litre I had left to drink and nearly threw up at the mere thought. Anyway, I got to work and parked all the way in the back for reasons which will become obvious.

I chugged the rest of the salt water, then chased it with a lemonade mixture.

3 guesses what happened next.

I had checked my book that I wrote my weight down in. Turns out yesterday I was actually 237 1/2. Today I weighted in at 237 for a whopping 1/2 loss. Despite what is laying all over the intersection at 111th and Memorial and my work parking lot, I am still carrying a lot of water.

I had packed enough pre-made mixtures to make 6 lemonades to get me through the day. Sitting at my desk, I became ill everytime the thought of having to drink the lemonade mixture pops into my head. It went from tolerable during day 1 to unbearable during day 2.

Needless to say, I've had nothing but water all day.

Being hungry is the least of my problems. I'm not even 48 hours into it, and I don't feel as though I can make it another 48, and the desire to try is leaving quickly.

The headache has subsided. I've determined that it's caffeine withdrawal. No matter what happens with this cleanse, I am done for good with caffeine. Anything that makes me feel like shit when I don't have any I am going to learn to do without. When I was at a prior job during my 20's, I'd drink 4-5 pots of coffee a day. When it got to the point where if I went too long between cups I got a headache, I quit drinking coffee cold turkey. Now my caffeine comes in the form of Diet Mountain Dew. No more.

I knew better than to even change into my work out clothes today. No way I would have enough energy to do 30 minutes on an Elliptical.

My tongue has turned white, and I think I may have ass-breath.

I struggled to stay awake all day, even though I got much more sleep last night than I usually get.

When I was a kid, my grandpa used to say someone was "sick as a dog". I never knew what that meant until today.

I'm going to choke down a lemonade, drink my Filet Mignon....errrrr....Senna tea. Then I'm taking my ass to bed.

I'm going to see if I can take the drinks better tomorrow. Maybe I can catch a second wind. Two tsp of sea salt in 32 oz of water is strong as hell.

 

[MrsCheater]

i am feeling so bad for you! i hope u can make it thru to achieve the goal u are after. GL!!!